THAT'S THE REASON NOW I WEAR A KILT

Harry Lauder 

There痴 lots of folks will say the kilt is not the thing to wear
In fact they値l say the kilt is out of date
But there痴 a certain reason I知 wearing mine, because ...
I値l tell you if you値l only care to wait
I used to wear a pair of breeks before I took a wife
But after I壇 been wed a week or three
I sold my trousers bought this kilt, the reason is because ...
I値l explain it if you値l listen now to me.

Chorus:
Every night I would go and hang my trousers up
By the back of the bedroom door
I rue the day -- I must have been a jay
I'll never hang them up there anymore
For the wife would take a ramble through my pooches
As I lay asleep beneath the quilt
In the morning when I woke, I was always stony broke
And that's the reason now I wear a kilt

I never would have found it out till one night I came home
I was feeling very queer about the head
I soon was in the land of dreams but woke at 3 a.m.
And saw the wife was standing by my bed
She said, "Hush, hush, there's burglars! Don't make any fuss
I'm feeling in your pockets for your gun."
I don't know if she was or not, but all I know was this
There was nothing in my pockets when she'd done.

The only thing I'm frightened of is winter's coming on
And I'm feeling very cool about the knees
I'm not as young as I used to be, my blood is getting thin
And it wouldn't take an awful lot to freeze
If I should take a freezing fit one day and kick the pail
And join the great majority that's gone
Then maybe I'll be sorry that I ever took to kilts
And wish I'd left my cosy trousers on.