MANNERS (THE ETIQUETTE BLUES)

I'm the guy that wrote the book on etiquette.
I know just how all your vittles should be et.
Now I have writ this little book about mistakes I saw,
So take 'em down and don't forget that what I say is law.

Always stand your spoon up in your coffee.
Starting with your soup first sound your A.
Napkins are to catch the food 
That bounces off your knife.
Tuck the napkin in so it will stay.
Always put both elbows on the table.
Many other pointers I could mention.
Always gesture with your fork, 
Friday means its fish or pork.
Thank you for your very kind attention.

Always mix your peas with your potatoes --
This makes eating with your knife a cinch.
When somebody asks for bread 
Brab several in your mitt, 
Deal 'em out like you were dealing flinch.
Take two toothpicks you might sometimes drop one.
Many other pointers I could mention.
Put your gum beneath your plate, 
Eat so fast you won't be late.
Thank you for your very kind attention.

Never cut spaghetti up in pieces --
Eat it like a chicken eating worms.
When you're eating cake, be sure you eat the frosting first,
Search it for bacteria and germs.
Always laugh when nothing funny happens,
Many other pointers I could mention.
Stir your ice cream till it melts, 
Loosen two holes in your belt. 
Thank you for your very kind attention.